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List of Magical Items in the Oglaf Universe

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Magical items in the Oglaf universe as defined here are normally inanimate objects that have been enchanted to posses magical properties, either to perform a specific function (such as a golem guarding a door) or to produce a magical effect or spell (such as a wand). The following is a list of magical items that have appeared in Oglaf.

Amulet of Making People Say You're Awesome in Bed Even Though You're NotEdit

AmuletfromProwess
Amulet of Making People Say You're Awesome in Bed Even Though You're Not
Sex partners of the user of this amulet will tell others that the user is a skilled lover, regardless of the user's actual love making skill, no matter how disappointed they are. Appearances: Prowess






Arrow of RegretEdit

ArrowofRegret
Arrow of Regret
The Arrow of Regret is a cursed arrow that is activated by dropping it. Once activated, it will disappear from its current location and reappear embedded in a nearby person or living creature as if the person or creature has been shot with a bow. If the person or creature dies or pulls the arrow out, the arrow is passed on to another victim in a chain reaction. The only way to break the curse is to return the arrow to the person who activated it (meaning shooting that person with the arrow). The effect of shooting the instigator with the arrow is to cause that person to fall into a state of magical sleep. The Arrow of Regret caused a series of deaths in the Mistress's castle when it was accidentally activated by Ivan. Ivan was later shot with the arrow under the orders of the Mistress, putting him in a state of magical sleep. Appearances: Shaft, Two Reports, Albatross






Book of Forbidden LoveEdit

BOFL
Book of Forbidden LOve
Effects not shown. Presumably similar to the Book of Love. Also capable of speaking. Appearances: Book of Love








Book of LoveEdit

BOL
Book of LOve
The Book of Love simulates sexual acts on the user, but will close and shelf itself before the user can orgasm. Appearances: Book of Love








Chariot That's Waaay Faster Than YouEdit

Chariot
Chariot That's Waaay Faster Than You
KokirinAdded by Kokirin
Created by the Dwarves. This chariot is so fast that by the time you arrive it has already been there for six hours. Don't ask the dwarves what happens if you drive in it or their brains will explode. Appearances: Cavalcade of Wonders








City of VanorvaEdit

Main Article: Vanorva

A magical city that only virgins can see or enter. When a youth from the city lost his virginity to Navaan, the city and its inhabitants disappeared.

Curly SwordEdit

FSthumb
Curly Sword
While this sword appears to be genuinely magical, floating in a shaft of light and emitting a bright flash when used, the exact nature of the curly sword is unknown. It was used as a ruse by the fun cult to trick adventures into using it against their god, the funworm. Because it was a real weapon, it was incapable of harming the funworm, which could only be harmed by fake weapons. Appearances: The Sword that Cannot be Sheathed, Funstrike




Dentist's StaffEdit

DentistStaff
Dentist's Staff
A magical staff used by a dentist. The dentist used it to cure a rampaging beast's impacted molar. Appearances: Overbite








Enchanted DildoEdit

After determining that a feeling of emotional connection was important to arousal in women, a vender decided to sell enchanted dildos with personalities. The initial example of the enchanted dildo merely insulted the customer and remained unpurchased. Appearances: Shaft of Drama

Enchanted HatstandEdit

This hatstand encouraged the Forbidden Door to leave the Mistress's castle after the door failed in its mission to tempt Ivan. Appearances: Blue Door

Fake DeathEdit

Main article: Fake Death

An artifact resembling a chicken's egg that will create an inanimate copy of the person it is used on, resulting in a false corpse.

FeliciaEdit

Felicia
Felicia
Felicia is a magic potion that is splashed the skin and causes its victims to disappear from the city of Vanorva and have vivd halucinations of a beautiful woman named Felicia. It was used by Navaan and her "friends" to remove men from Vanorva so they could be killed. The effects of the potion are short lived however, and the halucinatory images created by the potion become distorted as the potion wears off. Appearances: Potion of Girlfriend, Lassie








Fire WandEdit

Implied (but not shown) to project fire. The Mistress sodomized one of her apprentices with a fire wand, then activated it, incinerating him. Appearances: Some Time Ago...

The Forbidden Door (a.k.a. The Forbidden Raft)Edit

This door attempted to lure Ivan into going in to the room behind it. Ivan was not fooled by the door and refused to use it. The door then fled the Mistress's castle and began a new career as a raft. Appearances: Blue Door

Fountain of Death/Fountain of Water So Delicious Even Dead People Want ItEdit

The water from this fountain either kills its drinker or somehow attracts dead people to drink from it. Appearances: Fountain of Death

Fountain of DoubtEdit

The water from this fountain is either non-magical or makes the drinker doubt it is magical. Appearances: Fountain of Doubt

Fountain of GirlEdit

DFtFOG
The result of drinking from the Fountain of Girl

The water from this fountain will transform the drinker into a blonde woman in a white string bikini. All drinkers, including animals, take the same form, becoming identical women. Appearances: Fountain of Girl









Ice GolemEdit

Ice creatures with human like appearance. An army of ice golems was created by a mage to protect the frost saphire. Because the golems degraded over time, the mage gave them the ability to reproduce sexually. This plan was thwarted by Vanka however when she introduced the golems to pornography magazines, distracting the golems from real breeding long enough to degrade without reproducing. Appearances: Cryophilia

Incense of Bad Decisions (a.k.a. Incense of Wisdom)Edit

IoBD
Incence of Bad Decisions
As the name suggests, the Incense of Bad Decisions causes people under the influence of its scent to make bad decisions. The alchemist who created the incense burned a cone of it while he was working on it and came under the influence of it himself, causing him to label the rest of the cones "Incense of Wisdom". The Mistress came under the influence of it when a cone of it was sent to her as a tribute. Appearances: Portrait







Jelly GolemEdit

A golem made of green jelly in the form of a bald and naked woman used for wrestling. Appearances: Diversions, Sideshow

Love PotionEdit

A potion that you are supposed to give to the person you love to make that person fall in love with you. Drinking the potion yourself however will cause you to fall in love with the potion. Appearances: Love Potion

Magic BoxEdit

MagicBox
Magic Box
Makes you want whatever's in it. The Mistress used it to trick Ivan into performing fellatio on Sandoval. Appearances: A Pinecone









Magic LampEdit

A classic brass lamp containg a Djinn. Appearances: Simon the Wanderer

Magic StoneEdit

MagicStone2
Magic Stone
This stone holds a sword and will only allow the sword to be drawn by the chosen king. Great caution must be exercised to avoid humping the hole the sword comes out of however, or the stone will trap the humper. Appearances: Noblesse Obligee





Mask of PowerEdit

MaskofPower
The Mask of Power
Its function is neither described nor demonstrated, but it is evil and presumably powerful enough that the king from A Very Deep Chasm felt it needed to be broken into pieces and hidden in a labyrinth. Unfortunately, the twelve legged beast guarding the labyrinth reassembled the mask and escaped with it. Appearances: Failsafe



Ring of BlissEdit

Created by the Dwarves. This ring makes you happy all the time. Unfortunately, it will also kill you. Appearances: Ring of Bliss

Ring of OptimismEdit

A ring that causes its user to become cheerful and optimistic, even when optimism is not called for. Appearances: Umbra Wynterdarque

Rope of UntyingEdit

Appears in only one panel as one of the "crap" tributes given to Ivan. Its function is never demonstrated, but presumably it unties any knot put in it, rendering it useless. Appearances: Shaft

Sheela Na GigEdit

This entrance to a tall tower takes the form of a ten foot tall woman's vulva with a vagina large enough for a grown man to fit inside. It appears to be able to transfer the sensation of touch back to the older woman who presumably created it. Appearances: Sheela Na Gig

Wand GolemEdit

Wandgolem
Wand Golem
KokirinAdded by Kokirin
Created by the Dwarves. A golem made of magic wands that shoots fire and shit everywhere. Appearances: Cavalcade of Wonders








Wand of Killing YourselfEdit

Wandof KillingYourself
Wand of Killing Yourself
This wand killed poor Theanodor. Please use it with caution. Appearances: Umbra Wynterdarque











Wish DollyEdit

WishingDolly
Wishing Dolly
See Main Article

This straw doll will grant wishes. Be careful what you wish for. Appearances: Unattainable, Laundry Day, Vorpal Blade (mentioned).

When the Wish Dolly chooses to speak, it seems to enjoy both attempting to entice people into making wishes and mocking them for the unforeseen consequences of their wishes.  It also seems either unable or unwilling to reverse wishes.

False Magical ItemsEdit

In some Oglaf stories there are items that are claimed to be magical, but later turn out to be hoaxes. Among these are the following:


"Magical" Animal TeethEdit

UIthumb
"Magical" Animal Teeth
Not actually magical. These teeth were sold to an unfortunate adventuress by a sorcerer's shop at the east gate of a city. The shop told the woman that they would transform into skeleton warriors when thrown on the ground. When used, they turned out to be ordinary teeth. Appearances: Use Item





"Magical" ScabbardEdit

Arc-scabbard-d
"Magical" Scabbard
KokirinAdded by Kokirin
Not actually magical. A vender tricked an adventurer into buying this scabbard by using ventriloquism to convince him that it would speak like a sexually aroused woman whenever a sword was inserted into it. Appearances: Scabbard
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